IRS Sends Crypto Audit Summons, User Ghosts AG—Court: "Nice Try, But Paperwork > HODLing"

A California court just dropped a legal FUD bomb on a Coinbase HODLer: it tossed his bid to block an IRS summons for his financial records. And yep, that’s the second crypto tax case this year to bite the dust before even getting to trial—apparently, "not guilty by paperwork" isn’t a valid defense in this court.

Roger Metz, ever the optimist, filed a petition in May 2025 to squish an IRS summons that told Coinbase to spill his 2022 tax return tea. His legal team’s argument? The summons was a privacy wrecking ball, overreached like a degenerate trying to max out a margin loan, and failed even basic admin 101—you know, the stuff you learn before you summon the IRS.

They even tried to argue Metz was a responsible degenerate: by the time the IRS sent the summons in 2024, he’d already noticed his tax Oscar mix-up, filed an amended return, and coughed up the extra coins owed. Cool, but does "I fixed it" count as a defense against a summons? Spoiler: The IRS is a stickler for RSVPing to legal deadlines.

But US District Judge Araceli Martínez-Olguín wasn’t here for the "I meant to send it" excuses. She ruled against Metz, saying he bungled the 90-day notice dance—you know, the one where you gotta tap three government toes: local US Attorney, the bigwig AG in DC, and the IRS itself. Case dismissed, but the receipt? Still in the mail.

Here’s the tea: Suing the feds is like trying to join a crypto airdrop—you gotta hit all the checkboxes. Within 90 days, you need to notify three parties: your local US Attorney, the AG in DC, and the agency (in this case, the IRS) you’re clowning. Metz? He sent invites to the local DA and the IRS, but forgot to slide into the AG’s DMs by the deadline. Rude.

Court docs show Metz was cool with sending the local US Attorney a "we see you" and the IRS a "taxes, am I right?", but he ghosted the US Attorney General like a bad NFT drop. The government’s lawyers? They called BS, saying this was enough to toss the case—apparently, "Oops, forgot the AG" isn’t a valid "I’m a genius" loophole.

Judge Martínez-Olguín wasn’t buying the "I got distracted by a SOL pump" excuse. She noted Metz didn’t even bother to explain why he missed the AG deadline—no "dog ate my paperwork" tales, no "I thought the AG was on the list of people who don’t care about crypto taxes" defenses. "Dismissal is proper when service is wack," she said, like a crypto mod deleting a bad tweet—no takebacks.

The case got the "no hard feelings, just paperwork" dismissal—so Metz could try again later. Spoiler: If he does, he better set a Google Calendar alert for "90-day notice to AG"—or just hire a legal assistant who’s better at following instructions than a typical degenerate. We see you, Metz.

Big crypto exchanges? They’re basically the IRS’s tax interns—legally required to collect user info, snitch on taxable transactions, and hand over records like it’s a mandatory staking pool. And the IRS? They’ve got John Doe Summonses, which are like crypto group DM invites for tax audits: "Hey, you transacted