Green with Envy? Bitcoin's Six-Month Slump Gets a Puny 1.1% Bounce

Bitcoin just bounced above $67,000 from a $65,000 low—a whole 1.1% gain on the day. Hold the champagne. That's a thin silver lining against a backdrop of six consecutive red monthly closes. Somewhere, a degen is crying into their ramen while a Bitcoin maximalist stares at their screen contemplating life choices. The green candle is so small you almost need a microscope to see it.

March has been a grind. Bitcoin ranged from $65,000 on March 2 to a high of $75,000 on March 17, before sliding back to $68,000 by March 23 as U.S.-Iran geopolitical tensions amplified sell pressure. A record $14+ billion in options expiry compounded the volatility, forcing liquidations across the board. Traders got absolutely rekt from multiple directions—first the geopolitical news, then the options gamma squeeze, then the realization