Uranium Finance Hacker Allegedly Thought Crypto Was 'Fake Internet Money' — But Still Made Off With $54M and Some Very Nice Pokémon Cards

A Maryland man is facing up to 30 years in prison after prosecutors say he pulled off two hacks of decentralized crypto exchange Uranium Finance. Jonathan Spalletta, 36, was indicted in the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Southern District of New York for allegedly hacking Uranium Finance beginning in 2021. Apparently, Spalletta decided that "do your own research" meant "do your own hacking."

He's charged with one count of computer fraud (up to 10 years) and one count of money laundering (up to 20 years). As U.S. Attorney Jay Clayton put it: "Spalletta repeatedly hacked smart contracts to steal millions of dollars worth of other people's money for himself, and destroyed a cryptocurrency exchange in the process." One can only assume the "Uranium" in the name was less about nuclear energy and more about the radioactive fallout left in his wake.

Clayton also noted that Spalletta allegedly told someone, "Crypto is just fake internet money anyway." The U.S. Attorney wasn't having it: "Stealing from a crypto exchange is stealing — the claim that 'crypto is different' does not change that." Well, technically, if you ask the degen community, they would argue that stealing from a centralized exchange is different, but a