Chainalysis Gobbles Up Millions of Investigations, Now Claims Its New AI Can Smell a Rug Pull from Orbit

Chainalysis has unveiled blockchain intelligence agents trained on millions of investigations—because apparently they decided the best way to analyze the chain was to literally swallow the entire investigative database whole and see what happens. These new tools leverage extensive investigative data to enhance blockchain analysis capabilities, which is a fancy way of saying they've been taking meticulous notes on everyrug pull, exchange hack, and suspiciously generous OTC desk for the past decade, and have now figured out how to turn all that collective trauma into an AI that probably knows more about your DeFi positions than you do.