Oil Goes Full Degenerate: Brent Posts 60% Monthly Gain, the Largest Since 1988

Brent crude oil futures posted over a 60% gain in March, marking the strongest monthly rally in the benchmark's history, dating back to 1988. If this were a memecoin, everyone would already be rotating into calls. The May contract settled roughly 5% higher on Tuesday at $118.35 per barrel. West Texas Intermediate (WTI), the US benchmark, climbed about 51% during the month for its best performance since May 2020. That's right, the only thing that moved harder than Bitcoin in March was literal oil.

Strait of Hormuz Closure Drives Historic Supply Shock

Iran's closure of the Strait of Hormuz following joint US-Israeli strikes on February 28 has rattled energy markets. The International Energy Agency (IEA) described the disruption as the largest in the history of the global oil market. For those keeping score at home, that's the Suez Canal crisis's bigger, meaner cousin showing up uninvited to the party.

The energy shock has already hit consumers hard. US gas prices have risen $1.25 per gallon since December to $4 per gallon, the highest price since 2022. Your Ford F-150 is suddenly looking like a luxury purchase. In the UK, petrol reached 152.8p per liter, roughly 20p higher than at the start of the conflict. Brits are coping by pretending this is just a minor inconvenience and that a nice cup of tea will solve everything.

JPMorgan's global head of economics, Bruce Kasman, warned that a prolonged closure would push oil prices higher. This is the same JPMorgan that called Bitcoin a fraud in 2017, so maybe they know something about predicting things that go parabolic for the wrong reasons.

"A scenario in which the Strait remains closed for an additional month would be consistent with oil prices rising towards $150/bbl and constraints on industrial consumers of energy supply," he said. At this point, $150 feels almost quaint. We've seen crypto protocols die for less.

Bloomberg reported that US officials and Wall Street analysts have started discussing the possibility of crude reaching $200 per barrel. That's not a price target—that's a threat. $200 oil would make $70,000 Bitcoin look like a conservative allocation by comparison.

Meanwhile, President