Bitcoin Reclaims $70K as Bottom Callers Find Hope in Executive Exits, Miner Sell-Offs and Willy Woo's 12-Year Sideways Dream

Bitcoin climbed above $70,000 during U.S. afternoon hours on Monday, adding to a Sunday rally in quiet post-Easter trading. The gains came alongside modest advances in major stock market averages ahead of President Trump's Tuesday ultimatum for Iran to open the Strait of Hormuz. Just past noon on the East Coast, the Nasdaq was up 0.45% and the S&P 500 by 0.3%. Bitcoin was nearly 4% higher over the past 24 hours, with ether, XRP and solana posting similar gains. Because nothing says "risk-on" quite like geopolitical threats and chocolate bunnies.

Contrarian bitcoin bulls first took hope that a bottom was forming when bitcoin crashed to $60,000 in early February — notably, the strongly no-coiner Financial Times took a victory lap. The bulls may have been even more pleased over the past weekend by a couple of other bottoming signals. Nothing quite like getting validation from people who still think bitcoin is a Ponzi scheme, am I right?

First was the late Friday news that Jeff Park was exiting his role as chief investment officer at ProCap Financial (BRR). Led by Anthony Pompliano, ProCap was among 2025's hastily formed bitcoin treasury companies aiming to hitch their wagon to the BTC bull market and replicate Michael Saylor's Strategy. As with others of the 2025 crop — David Bailey's Nakamoto (NAKA) and Jack Mallers' Twenty One Capital (XXI) — ProCap stock has struggled mightily, performing far worse for shareholders than bitcoin itself. The Strategy copy-paste economy is looking less like institutional adoption and more like a graveyard of ticker symbols nobody asked for.

Second was well-followed longtime bull Willy Woo suggesting bitcoin could trade sideways for 8 to 12 years before finally entering a major bull market. That's right, degens — your grandkids might finally see ATHs. Woo's 12-year sideways dream is either the most patient price prediction in history or a cry for help from someone who's been staring at charts too long.

Other signals from the past couple of weeks: bitcoin miner MARA Holdings unloading more than 15,000 of its bitcoin stack, peer Riot Platforms selling off its entire March BTC production of 3,778 coins, and Nakamoto parting with some holdings. Nothing says "bitcoin is sound money" quite like miners aggressively front-running their own survival. Accumulation phase? More like capitulation with extra steps.

Whether the true bottom is in remains to be seen, but the bottoming signs continue to grow. At this point, bottom calling has become its own subgenre of crypto analysis — right up there with "wen lambo" and "this cycle is different." Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.