SBF Wanted Billions Like a Bologna Sandwich: CZ Serves the FTX Autopsy With Zero Sympathy

Binance founder Changpeng Zhao (CZ) is dishing out hot gossip in his new memoir Freedom of Money, and let’s just say it’s less “spiritual enlightenment” and more “I watched a crypto empire implode over a sandwich analogy.” Dropped Tuesday, the book recounts the now-legendary November 2022 phone call where Sam Bankman-Fried requested “a couple of billion dollars” with the same chill energy as someone asking if you’ve got an extra bologna sandwich lying around.

Spoiler alert: CZ wasn’t handing out bailouts like free samples at a deli.

“I didn’t have any interest in owning FTX. I also wasn’t that interested in helping SBF,” Zhao writes, because apparently even billionaires have their limits on playing financial firefighter for a flaming clown car. “But we may have to step in to protect the users and the industry”—you know, the part that actually matters.

The much-hyped Letter of Intent? A glorified placeholder with all the binding power of a sticky note that says “???” in Comic Sans. “I was explicit that we were not making any commitment. Our team would simply assess the numbers and then decide.” Translation: we’ll look at your spreadsheets, but don’t start engraving our names on the rescue raft.

As for FTX’s cause of death, CZ nails it to one boneheaded move: Almeda CEO Caroline Ellison publicly offering to buy Binance’s $FTT stash at $22 apiece.

“She had just revealed her floor price.” And boom—traders with faster thumbs and zero mercy shorted $FTT like it was a meme stock on r/WallStreetBets. The token free-fell to $15, then $10, then $5 faster than a degen’s portfolio after a “sure thing” leverage play. Within 72 hours, $6 billion had ghosted FTX, leaving behind nothing but dust and regret.

Zhao also confirms the existence of “Exchange Collaboration,” a Signal group that sounds like a startup pitch but was actually a crisis WhatsApp for crypto’s A-list. Created by FTX’s Zane Tackett during the Terra/$LUNA meltdown, it included CZ, Bankman-Fried, Coinbase’s Brian Armstrong, Kraken’s Jesse Powell, and others—before inevitably landing on the DOJ and SEC’s “interesting chats” bingo card.

“They were keen to find any possible hint of collusion or market manipulation between the exchanges,” Zhao writes. “Of course there was no such thing in this case.” Sure, Jan—just a bunch of exchange CEOs whispering in a group chat like high schoolers passing notes during math class.

By November 9, 2022, Binance had ghosted FTX harder than a rug-puller on a one-way ticket to Dubai. Binance’s own $FTT holdings—once worth $580 million—had melted into digital roadkill, echoing their $1.6 billion $LUNA faceplant six months prior.

The fallout? A $7 billion withdrawal hit Binance on December 14 alone. CZ, unfazed, spent that evening at dinner with friends, sipping wine like a man who’d already stress-tested his balance sheet in the fires of previous implosions.

“I was not worried. All user funds were in our reserves.”

And within a month, he claims, users came crawling back—deposits fully restored, plus interest, like a crypto prodigal son returning with a Lambo and a newfound respect for self-custody.