The Billion-Dollar Bologna: CZ's Memoir Reveals SBF Asked for Billions Like a Lunch Order

Binance founder Changpeng Zhao's new memoir "Freedom of Money" finally gives us the unhinged backstory behind that brief, chaotic period when Binance almost swooped in to save FTX in November 2022. Because nothing says "major financial intervention" like casually publishing your side of the saga for everyone to read while the lawyers weep quietly in the corner.

According to CZ's tell-all, Sam Bankman-Fried placed the call with all the energy of someone ordering a combo meal—asking for "a couple of billion dollars nonchalantly, as if he were asking for a bologna sandwich." Bold move for a guy whose empire was held together with dental floss and vibes. Zhao claims he had zero intention of actually going through with the acquisition, which makes the whole thing feel like the crypto equivalent of swiping right just to see what happens.

"I didn't have any interest in owning FTX. I also wasn't that interested in helping SBF," Zhao writes, channeling main character energy so hard it almost hurts. "But we may have to step in to protect the users and the industry." The non-binding Letter of Intent was essentially a vibes-based document—purely performative theater for the crypto commentariat. "I was explicit that we were not making any commitment. Our team would simply assess the numbers and then decide," he adds, which is CZ-speak for "we were never going to do this but we needed the market to calm down."

When it came to FTX's spectacular implosion, Zhao lays the blame squarely on Alameda CEO Caroline Ellison and her decision to publicly offer to buy Binance's $FTT holdings at $22 each. According to CZ, she committed "a fatal mistake" by essentially publishing her trading floor like it was a support level on a meme coin. Professional traders saw that number and immediately started shorting $FTT below it, because when you show your hand in crypto, someone's going to stack on top of it. The token plunged from $22 to $15, then $10, then $5 in what can only be described as the fastest elevator ride in financial history. Within 72 hours, $6 billion had evacuated FTX faster than users fleeing a Celsius town hall meeting.

Zhao also confirms the existence of "Exchange Collaboration," a Signal group created by FTX's Zane Tackett during the Terra/LUNA collapse. The who's-who of crypto included Zhao, SBF, Coinbase's Brian Armstrong, Kraken's Jesse Powell, and various other industry heavy-hitters. The group later attracted the DOJ and SEC like moths to a particularly juicy flame. "They were keen to find any possible hint of collusion or market manipulation," Zhao writes, probably doing air quotes. "Of course there was no such thing in this case."

By November 9th, Binance pulled the ripcord and walked away. Their $FTT holdings—valued at $580 million at peak—had become