Adam Back: Not Satoshi (According to the Guy Who Managed the Actual Email List)

The Satoshi Nakamoto identity guessing game enters another season, and this time Adam Back is getting the full documentary treatment complete with dramatic lighting and ominous music. Perry E. Metzger, however, who actually ran the cryptography mailing list where Bitcoin's creator first dropped the whitepaper like it was hot, is here to burst some very popular bubbles.

Metzger, in an interview that probably ruined several people's Medium articles, confirmed he administered the email list and therefore knows everyone on it by name. His verdict on the Adam Back theory? "Doesn't seem likely." Ouch. That's cold enough to freeze your sats.

Metzger was quick to point out that Back is merely the latest shiny candidate in what has become crypto's longest-running game of "Who Dat?" — a list that grows longer every time someone publishes a Medium post with suspiciously convenient "evidence." Standard journalistic due diligence, they call it. Sure.

In a move that will disappoint internet detectives everywhere, Metzger declined to play the speculation game at all, citing some rather inconvenient realities. Accidentally doxxing Satoshi could result in their family being kidnapped, he noted, because apparently some people have no chill. "They could become targets for wealth they don't actually possess." Imagine getting jumped for coins you don't even have. Tragic.

Metzger also made the perfectly reasonable point that Satoshi hasn't rug-pulled the world, hasn't moved the Bitcoin sitting in those wallets since the dawn of time, and has deliberately chosen to remain anonymous — which, in a community that praises privacy coins and mixer usage, should probably be respected. Just a thought.

He added that wrongly accused individuals have faced genuine hardships, specifically noting the family of Hal Finney, who continues to battle ALS. Because apparently internet sleuths have nothing better to do than harass people who are already dealing with enough.

As for other frequently mentioned names like Nick Szabo and Hal Finney? Metzger isn't buying those theories either, dismissing the "evidence" as about as solid as a blockchain with no miners. Apparently, comparing the writing styles of hundreds of people and then losing your mind over coincidental similarities is not, in fact, a valid research methodology. Shocking revelation for the amateur cryptographers out there.

*This is not investment advice.