Inflation Numbers Say 'Surprise!' — Bitcoin Yawns and Holds $70K Like It's on Vacation

Bitcoin is still vibing above $70,000, casually sipping a imaginary piña colada after its recent joyride toward $73,000 following the US-Iran ceasefire drama. Meanwhile, oil prices decided to throw an absolute tantrum over the ongoing conflict (we're now over a month deep into this mess), pushing crude above $100 and making inflation hawks nervously adjust their monocles. You know, that pesky thing the Fed has been trying to pin down to 2% for what feels like several geological epochs. With energy costs doing their best impression of a SpaceX launch, there's been chatter that the Fed might actually have to smash that interest rate panic button again.

But hold up—US March CPI data just dropped like a mic, and the Fed is staring at this number harder than traders stare at their screens at 3 AM. Here's the full breakdown, served fresh:

CPI Annual: 3.3% actual vs 3.4% expected (previous: 2.4%) CPI Monthly: 0.9% actual vs 1.0% expected (previous: 0.3%) Core CPI Annual: 2.6% actual vs 2.7% expected (previous: 2.5%) Core CPI Monthly: 0.2% actual vs 0.3% expected (previous: 0.2%)

The consumer price index is basically the gold standard for measuring how rapidly your grocery receipt is ghosting you and tracking US inflation. According to The Kobeissi Letter, CPI inflation hit its highest level since May 2024 thanks to the Iran-Iraq situation giving everyone economic heartburn. And for those keeping scorecards on their walls like it's baseball season, Fed rate cuts for 2026 have officially been yeeted from the menu.

Bitcoin's initial reaction to all this financial theater? Roughly 'meh,' delivered with the energy of someone who just learned they have to work a three-day weekend.

*This is not investment advice. And if it were, your portfolio would probably ignore it anyway.