Bitcoin Breaks $73K as US Plays Real-Life Minesweeper in Hormuz

Bitcoin is finally green again, casually strolling past the psychological $73,000 level like it just remembered it was supposed to be money. The breakout comes after the U.S. military decided to play real-life Minesweeper in the Strait of Hormuz, clearing explosives like they're degen positions on a Friday night. Apparently, Washington and Tehran are now holding hands and working toward ending their six-week squabble—because nothing says "let's make peace" like a coordinated mine clearance operation in one of the world's most anxiety-inducing shipping lanes. Markets seem to be pricing in the possibility that maybe, just maybe, oil tankers won't become expensive fireworks in the Persian Gulf anytime soon. What a time to be alive.