CPI Prints 3.3% War Tax, Bitcoin and Ethereum Brace for Volatility Ride

Bitcoin ($BTC) and Ethereum ($ETH) are sitting in the principal's office waiting for their punishment after the first US CPI print dropped since the US-Iran war started flexing its muscles. March inflation landed at 3.3% — perfectly on consensus, because apparently geopolitical chaos is just another line item in the CPI basket now. With this deliciously spicy inflation data officially filed away, degens are furiously refreshing their charts and bracing for the kind of volatility that makes or breaks futures positions. Buckle up, buttercups.